The Samson Final is Finished!!!!

Whoo! Four days til I go back to Chester and my Children's Book Illustration final is finished!!!! The only thing left is to get it (and my other work from that class) to teacher for a final grade. It'll get done - but for right now I'm going to secretly smile at the sheer fact that I have done the paintings!!!!

Worries Never Cease

This entry is not about a project I'm working on nor is it about any particular style, material or process relating to my visual work. No, this is about the constant worries that I have relating to my work and my life.
I understand we are all in a financial struggle due to the economy's downfall - many have had to cut back on even the most basic essentials of their daily life. However, many of these same people were living "comfortably" before hand. I have known what it is to need food stamps. I have seen the pain in my mother's face after paying the lawyer more than what she finally won from my father in child support after years of court battles. I have been teased for not wearing fashionable clothes, living in a trailer and for the food I eat. I believe this makes me a stronger person. This has pushed me to take pride in my lifestyle, to know that I have things that others do not. I feel my friends and most of family support me and like me - for myself. This is not to say that everyone has it easier, I am well aware I am lucky in many ways.

No, this post is about the constant worry that is going through my head now and has been for quite some time. I'm pretty sure this would be an issue even without the Anxiety Disorder. My life has finally started to pick up: I have a car, a license, a boyfriend and I'm going back to finish at Chester so I can have a BA. Okay, great. Then what? I'm so much in debt now, and even my current lifestyle requires a certain amount of funding. I've always been behind in every aspect of life but this is becoming more than bothersome. There's gas for my car, food, even just daily supplies I need to be representable. We've had to take out so many loans (more than just for school) I can't begin to list the bills, debt and so on. If I can't work a regular job due to my disability and it takes me forever to finish a piece - I don't see my funds growing at all. In fact, they've shrunk to pretty much nothing and I don't know how I'm going to manage. Anything. I CANNOT keep having people pay for me, it does not do well for my sense of self.
I wish this were a happier post - there's been so many wonderful things taking place for at least the past two months or so but this is what happens during my 4am panic attacks. I cannot afford to slump back into depression, either (over this) - I would lose most of what has been wonderful. I am so scared.
PS - I didn't bother to proof read I'm so stressed.

Children's Books Illustration

Ok, so I had this class at Chester that I had to leave early and was unable to finish - last semester. It was an awesome special topics course called: Children's Books Illustration. The lovely Kaetlyn Wilcox taught it and has graciously allowed me to now finish at my own pace. The final will consist of six, finished pages of my own children's book - leaving room for text (ideally ready to present to publishing companies).

My book (which I want to continue after finishing the class) is titled, "Samson Uses His Imagination." As implicated, the main character (Samson - a house cat) goes through ordinary experiences like trapping a mouse or stepping in a puddle to being cornered by that same (now giant) mouse and being the captain of his own ship!

I've put it on hold for a while, but am trying to delve into it between working on my Dream Shards business. Wish me luck!

Dream Shards Logo

It's all slowly coming together. My cousin has graciously offered her graphic design skills to help me vector (I think that's the word) my logo image and help choose a local color instead of CYMK printer color for my Dream Shards business cards. This way, I won't have to pay out the wazoo for them! In the meantime, I am to work on the full image - so that I can use it later (possibly on a future website or banner).

*Note - draw lightly when using tracing paper. It does not erase easily!




For the burst I used gouache - as you will see, I didn't thin down the glue I used enough with water for it to shine through the tracing paper.



White water color is what I decided for outlining/highlighting the crystal. Gouache was to harsh-looking and colored pencil would have been too light to be seen. As you can see - the burst didn't show through very well.



For the beginnings of the title of my business! I have put it to a vote on Facebook as to which of the six styles my friends like best. Hopefully that will help in which one I chose (though it is ultimately my decision). It all starts to look the same after a while.

Free Comic Book/Mother's Day

A fun-filled weekend had by - me! :D
Saturday:
Though I didn't not sell any of my work at Newbury's on Saturday, I got to show my portfolio to the famous Steve Bissette - best known for illustrating the "Swamp Thing" comic series (among many other awesome things). Good feedback on the little "current" slideshow I put together of my work (I was glad I didn't regret lugging my laptop to the store). Not only that, but I got to chat him up, shake his hand and best of all - I am the proud owner of a signed drawing (for free) by him. I don't know why he he gave it to me but because I had enough time before he left - I snuck off to the other end of the store and drew a lizard (and signed it) to give to him while making my final purchases as a special "thank you." I sorta feel a bit bad cause Blair Shedd was there, too (known for illustrating the "Doctor Who" comic series) and I really just said "hi" to him. I'm not familiar with his work but from what I've seen - I'm most envious of his ability to draw facial expressions (in a good way). It was awesome to see the comradery, as well between fans, artists, teachers and students. Mr. Bissette teaches at the Center for Cartoon Studies in White River Jct., VT - a school I had looked at before deciding on Chester. There was lots of "hey, how's life?" questions and plans to meet up after the event between teacher and students. Very much like most of the faculty at Chester that it was comforting to watch.
The Booty:
-"Taboo" #4 signed by Steve Bissette
- "Swamp thing" sketch signed by Steve Bissette
- "Tyrant" #4 and Neil Gaiman and Michael Zulli's "Sweeny Todd" preview signed by Steve Bissette
- A print "H is for Humanzee" signed and by student Paul Swartz from his book "Meet the Monsters: The Quirks of Creatures A to Z"
- "Holy Shit, A Comic Anthology" a student (Sean k., McFadzean, Moody and Onorato) collaboration graphic novel
- "Mood Ring" by student Josh Kramer
- "Incorruptible" comic series by Mark Waid and Horacio Domingues
- "The Kindred #4" by Booth Regla and "Mirror's Edge" by R. Prachett and M. Smith
- "Snow White, Tales of Terror" DVD starring Sigourney Weaver and Sam Neil

Sunday:
Ah, Mother's Day. Those who know me know that I'm lucky to have the mom I do. When I can't draw/paint, one of my recent creative outlets has been to make jewelery. We here in the Upper Valley of NH have a fantastic little shop called Gemstar Gemstone. Take a guess at what sell? Yup - rocks! The most lovely and precious of gems. My mom is hard to buy for - she is particular when it comes to her likes/dislikes so it was a bit of a challenge to make a necklace for her. You see, there was this bead (tiny) I found, randomly that looked much like our planet Earth as taken by astronauts from satellite pictures. I thought of Mom because it was this beautiful bright blue (her favorite color). I showed it to her and I was right - she liked it very much. So I went back to Gemstone to hunt for a slightly bigger version of the bead that I could make into a necklace that would end with the it sitting on the hollow of her collar bone. I knew she liked that style. When I found out such a bead did not exist in the store I didn't give up. There was Lapis and Jasper in many shades - from many places - there had to be SOMETHING! Then I saw it - dangling above me. A strand(s) of tear-drop shaped, blue beads cut to catch the light - just a little bigger then that one bead! Mom liked the style of my amber tear-drop necklace (that I made for myself) I figured it was worth it to get these (plus, I'd use the rest of the strand in other jewelry). I presented the necklace to Mom this morning with much success! Seven blue, tear-drop stone beads with smaller, clear, round beads in between each on a strand of delicate, silver wire. It looks lovely on her! :)

Spring 2011 Possibly a Rebirth? Cont'd

More Pictures!


Experimenting with Grapeseed Oil



Another Experiment



Unfinished Holiday Card for Mom's Office

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Portrait Practice



The Workspace

Spring 2011 Possibly a Rebirth?

Woo, it's been a long winter! So many things have happened since I last blogged but because I've only built my confidence up again, recently it's been hard to document my progress.
I AM going back to Chester College in the fall to finish and should graduate next spring with a BA in Fine Art. Where I go from there is anybody's guess - I have been looking at getting a teacher's certificate so I can teach art class/be a private art tutor but as we all know that means more funding and a rollercoaster of experience day in and day out. I'm not sure I even have the energy to make it through Senior Project in one piece.
Coming out of a depression is great - but then the anxiety kicks in and one full day costs me the next in terms of physical exhaustion. It has been a long road to get me this far and I'm trying to be careful not to fall backwards into the funk of giving up, again.

Which brings me to my art. *sigh* Ok. As my aunt says - it's feast or famine and another opportunity is coming up this weekend (the last being the holiday window painting jobs). Unfortunately, I'll probably only get to "snack the appetizers" meaning chat up other artists and look at their work, this time. This Saturday is Free Comic Book Day. I have talked a good talk about the work I do to a couple people who work at Newbury Comics in the past. Now, I have been offered the chance to sell my work/prints along with other artists at this upcoming event being held in this store. Awesome opportunity, right? It would be- if I had something done to sell. My process is slow and detailed. Plus, I'm working hard to establish my name and logo - which in itself has been a process. Needless to say, it has taken a lot more time than I thought it would (like anything else) and I will not be able to sell anything at Free Comic Book Day. At least I don't think I will. I find it hard to explain why things aren't ready. I am easily intimidated and one blow to my ego can knock me down. I do worry how people perceive me and hope their conclusions aren't negative based on the amount of work I don't have finished. I'm still trying to take things one day at a time.

However, that does not stop me from working! My business name for myself, as an illustrator is: "Dream Shards" with a tag line of "Captured." I figure this covers many styles from my cutesy animals to realistic portraits to dark/whimsical fantasy.

The start my Dream Shards Logo and working on "Birth of Fireflies" -