Worries Never Cease

This entry is not about a project I'm working on nor is it about any particular style, material or process relating to my visual work. No, this is about the constant worries that I have relating to my work and my life.
I understand we are all in a financial struggle due to the economy's downfall - many have had to cut back on even the most basic essentials of their daily life. However, many of these same people were living "comfortably" before hand. I have known what it is to need food stamps. I have seen the pain in my mother's face after paying the lawyer more than what she finally won from my father in child support after years of court battles. I have been teased for not wearing fashionable clothes, living in a trailer and for the food I eat. I believe this makes me a stronger person. This has pushed me to take pride in my lifestyle, to know that I have things that others do not. I feel my friends and most of family support me and like me - for myself. This is not to say that everyone has it easier, I am well aware I am lucky in many ways.

No, this post is about the constant worry that is going through my head now and has been for quite some time. I'm pretty sure this would be an issue even without the Anxiety Disorder. My life has finally started to pick up: I have a car, a license, a boyfriend and I'm going back to finish at Chester so I can have a BA. Okay, great. Then what? I'm so much in debt now, and even my current lifestyle requires a certain amount of funding. I've always been behind in every aspect of life but this is becoming more than bothersome. There's gas for my car, food, even just daily supplies I need to be representable. We've had to take out so many loans (more than just for school) I can't begin to list the bills, debt and so on. If I can't work a regular job due to my disability and it takes me forever to finish a piece - I don't see my funds growing at all. In fact, they've shrunk to pretty much nothing and I don't know how I'm going to manage. Anything. I CANNOT keep having people pay for me, it does not do well for my sense of self.
I wish this were a happier post - there's been so many wonderful things taking place for at least the past two months or so but this is what happens during my 4am panic attacks. I cannot afford to slump back into depression, either (over this) - I would lose most of what has been wonderful. I am so scared.
PS - I didn't bother to proof read I'm so stressed.